


out of places (to fuck in)

by slotumn



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Banter, Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Humor, Non-Explicit Sex, Outdoor Sex, Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:28:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24693037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn
Summary: "Remind me why we're having sex behind a tree again?""Because Felix and Leonie threatened to cut my dick off if they heard us having sex in the dorms one more time."A.K.A. Lysithea and Claude are running out of places to have sex in.
Relationships: Lysithea von Ordelia/Claude von Riegan
Kudos: 10
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	out of places (to fuck in)

**Author's Note:**

> Done for a [kink meme](https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/476.html?style=site&thread=1509340). Love me some good banter between horny idiots.

"Remind me why we're having sex behind a tree again?" Lysithea asked, upon feeling the strands of her get caught in the rough barks for the upteenth time.

"Because Felix and Leonie threatened to cut my dick off if they heard us having sex in the dorms one more time," Claude replied, then paused thrusting. "Why do they always threaten me? Do they think you aren't just as responsible for all this because you're like, the youngest and stuff?"

"Claude, not everyone is looking to tease me every hour of the day like you."

"Ah, so it's because you know Hades," he resumed thrusting. "I gotta start studying dark magic."

"Well, you're, ah, free to try," she said, looking skeptical before letting out a small moan, "even if you aren't any good at it."

"Hey, I was bad with Faith, but I think I can do decently with Reason-- I mean, it's right there in the name. I'm a pretty reasonable guy."

"If you were reasonable, you wouldn't have nearly gotten us caught by Seteth in the cathedral that one time," she hissed. 

"Yeah, that was my bad, I'll be more careful next time."

Lysithea's head snapped up.

"What do you mean, next time?!"

"I just think it's very faithful and goddess-honoring to bang a girl who's good at white magic in a place of worship," he explained, with a completely straight face. "Giving you orgasms is how I show my devotion to the goddess."

"Be glad Professor is the one who's in charge of the Church now, Claude," Lysithea sighed, not even bothering to remind him of the blasphemy codes.

"I am, I'm also glad she's chill enough to not mention that she caught us in the kitchen once."

Lysithea went silent upon hearing that. The sex-during-baking incident was, indeed, one of the times that she had initiated.

"...At least we didn't do it in the stables more than once."

"That's mostly because Cyril wrote me a note saying he was going to shoot me in the balls if he had to clean up after our, uh, bodily fluids again, the fact I'm the leader of Leicester Alliance be damned."

"Were those his exact words?"

"Yeah, almost. You did a good job teaching him how to read and write."

"He's a fast learner. I hope he learns how to make you shut up, too."

"Oh gods, I'm going to have two little kids nagging me now," Claude said in mock-horror before grunting and jerking forward deeper. "Really though, we do need to find somewhere to have sex without getting caught or overheard. Training grounds? The greenhou-- wait, no, not the greenhouse, I don't want us to accidentally inhale the poisonous mushroom spores during sex."

"And it's okay for people to inhale if it's not during sex...?"

Claude waved his hand.

"Don't think about it too much. Anyway. Training grounds?"

"Felix may cut your dick off if he overhears us doing it in your room, but he will not hesitate kill us both if he catches us in the sacred training grounds," Lysithea replied, wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Fair point."

The pair stopped talking for a few seconds as they finished with sighs and shivers.

"...So, back to the library it is, then," Claude said, after setting Lysithea down and helping her smooth out her dress.

"It's always the library, isn't it," she sighed, dusting little pieces of bark off the back of her shawl.

Right as Claude was pulling his pants back up, the branches rustled and something-- or rather, someone-- popped out of it, causing Lysithea to yelp and stumble forward.

"Hello, Claude and Lysithea," greeted the one and only Brigid princess in the Alliance army. 

"...Petra? I, uh, didn't expect to run into you here!" Claude laughed a nervous monotone laugh, hiding the still-undone front of his pants with Lysithea's body.

"I was trying out new places to rest in," Petra nodded. "This one is very comfortable."

"That's good to hear," Lysithea mumbled, not making eye contact.

Petra looked back and forth between the couple several times.

"So, why were you two having the fornication behind a tree?"

Claude pressed his lips together and stared off into the distance for a while. Then he opened his mouth to reply,

"I have no fucking idea."

**Author's Note:**

> [LysiClaude week twitter](https://twitter.com/LysiClaudeWeek?s=20)   
>    
>  [My twitter](https://twitter.com/slotumn?s=09)   
>    
> 


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